These are the days, yet I seem to forget them all too quickly, so I decided to start writing a regular series here called “I want to remember”. It’s my way of documenting the feelings, thoughts, and memories of the current moment for years to come.
I want to remember how different this pregnancy is compared to my first. Back then, we took belly photos every 2-3 weeks, now I’ve thus far taken exactly one. Back then, I was so diligent to moisturise my belly every evening (and my husband would remind me when I forgot), but this time… I’m taking it easier. Once a week is pretty good, too, right?
I want to remember the little flutters that I felt so much sooner with baby girl #2. And the endless kicking, the hiccups, and the way my belly changes it’s shape when she starts rumbling around. She’s a firecracker and I can already tell she’ll challenge us in new ways.
I want to remember the little stabs into my bladder that feel like baby girl has a butterknife to play with inside there. I mean, how does she do that? Sometimes I wish I had a see-through belly, so I could look in and understand what different movements mean.
I want to remember playing the guessing game. Is that her leg? Arm? Bum? Did she kick me with her elbow right now? Or was it her knee? And how the hell does she reach so far to the side, when her body is clearly on the other side?
I want to remember how Heli Mai pats my belly when we talk about the baby. Also, she says “hello” to my boobs a lot… I wonder what that’s about?
I want to remember the hard bits, too. The exhaustion and the scary contractions after having to practically single parent Heli Mai for a while back in May. I doubt I want to ever raise a 12-month-old and be pregnant ever again. But, never say never, right? Thank goodness productions and school semesters have an expiration date.
I want to remember this time, right now. The last 2 weeks leading up to my due date. The time spent just the three of us, wondering how we’ll be able to add a new little one into the mix. The growing baby belly that’s getting oh-so uncomfortable. The wait for Heli Mai’s first babysitter to arrive, so that I can have Rein by my side for the delivery. Counting the days, the hours, the minutes in my head until my due date. I know it’s not a magic day when I’ll just wake up and go into labor, but it gives me hope that I’ll get to meet my little girl soon, and finally get to sleep without hoisting my gigantic belly from one side to another every time I need to turn. Well, obviously, I won’t get any sleep any time soon, but just the thought of one day having my body back to normal fills me with joy.
This is an incredibly challenging, yet exciting time for our family. We’re having a baby, moving and starting a new chapter in my husband’s career all at once. I try to keep the stress away by focusing on the things I can control. I want to remember packing up boxes, dreaming up the girls room, solving problems with the kitchen layout and making a decor budget for the new apartment.
Above all, I want to remember how special this time is – our last days as a family of 3. We can’t wait to add baby girl into our family, but these days are magic, too.
Photo by Taavi Paal