It’s now been 6 weeks since Ellen was born and I became the mother of two under 2-year-olds. This new series is where I’ll share my perspective of coping, surviving a thriving as a mom of 2 under 2.

Lately, my days feel like a rollercoaster. One moment, I feel like I’ve got this mom gig down. Like the moments when we’re playing in the girls’ room – me building a tower out of wooden blocks with Heli Mai while Ellen lays contently on the mattress, looking at all the colorful toys in her play gym. Or when I’ve managed to get both girls to bed before 8.30pm and no-one cried.

The next moment, I feel totally inadequate as a mom wondering how the hell I’m going to survive the day. Like when Heli Mai refuses to let me put on clothes so we can go out, and Ellen is super tired so she’s screaming at the same time, and I’m sweating because I already put my jacket on. Or when both girls cry during bedtime, and there’s only one me.

In those moments I feel so angry and frustrated. Not at the kids, but at myself. How can I not handle this? What am I doing wrong? And more importantly, what could I be doing better?

What I’ve realised, though, is that while there is definitely a harmful way of parenting, there definitely isn’t one right way to do it. One heated moment will not screw up my kids. I’m allowed to make mistakes and try again. And that to me is comforting.

Every day is a new chance to get it right. My girls are patient with me, allowing me to stumble in the dark until I find  the light switch. Until I figure out how to be a better mom to them.

All three of us are learning and growing every day. While Heli Mai is learning new words, and how to put her shoes on, and Ellen is learning how to smile and make funny faces, I’m studying the art of motherhood. We all still have a lot to learn.

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